Text Messages: Jokes (Translated)

“Dare what it takes 2 b. Then we shall so becoz it s.
To do or not, now or what else to b without”
-Words of Wisdom from Manny Pacquiao
(Go, understand it!)

SON: Papa, I lyk dt girl & I want to marry her.

ITAY: Son, don’t marry dt girl bcoz she’s ur sister and ur mama doesn’t know

SON: Ma, I want to marry dt girl but papa said I shud not, bcoz she’s my sister and u don’t kno.

INAY: My son, marry dt girl, coz ur papa is not ur father and he doesn’t know.

In a market...
StoreKeeper: How many bunch of string beans?
Jose: 3x-5 where x=6
Tindera: So 13. String bean's cheap, only 5 sin 90 each.
Jose: Amm.. Please convert to arc tangent.
Tindera: I'll just convert it to tangent: 5 tan 45. If you like, just apply the reduction formula..
Jose: Okay, got it. Here's the payment, x2- 4x+ 3/ sin 3x, where x= 7. Keep the change.
(If this is how useful math is in our lives, then I don't wanna live. Hehe.)

Sumbody asked me, “Are u taken?”

I replied, “Yes, I am”

Then I turned back and whispered,

“Hehe.. naloko ko xa, akala nya ako c Taken

Eh si  “Manny” ako”

“For I am fearfully nd wonderfully made” PSALMS 139:14
In Tagalog: “Nakakapanindig-balahibo ang aking ka-gwapuhan.. ang tututol ay hindi pagpapalain”
Wag ka nang tumutol.. biblical to.

They say, when we're beside each other, I look like a peasant.

I got really mad and irritated.. I said, why?

They say because...you look like a..

CARABAO!

Two flies on top of a poop/shit:
Fly 1: Buddy, I want to poop.
Fly 2: Yuck! Eww! You're Disgusting! Don't say like that, bud, don't you see we're eating?

Thought of the Day:

“A hard working child will grow up to become… a SERVANT” and

“A lazy child will grow up to become… the BOSS”

Hehe.. I was inspired!

BOY: In physics, I kno we r all matter. We can’t occupy the same space @ d same tym.
GIRL: Bat ganun? Geometrically para taung mga parallel lines, y cant we meet at a common point?
BOY: Grammatically, ur verbs & actions r ncorrect. Dats y all of d subjects r affected!
GIRL: Ayoko na. Chemically, uv reachd my boilng point! Now my heart s getting 2 its freezing point!
(This is how lovers with outstanding IQ's quarrel.)

MOTHER: Child, is it true you went to a gay bar?

CHILD: Yes.

MOTHER: What did you see that you should have not seen?

CHILD: It's Dad.. so flirtatious! He's even squealing!!

GIRL: *Smiles at a boy*
BOY: What r u lookin at?
GIRL: 8s crazy, u look lyk my 4th boyfriend...
BOY: How many hav u had?
GIRL: Three.

CHILD: Mom, is the saying “1st Love Never Dies” true?

MOM: Son, it's more than true. Look at your Dad, he's my first love... and until now... that damn bastard is still alive!

F nay muaway nmo, bsan daghan cla, bsan higante sila
Bahala nay samurai+pusil, naa rako dri…
Bahala ka dha! Basta ari rko… cheer lang ko. Go go go!

A very short fairytale:

D boy gets his GF pregnant, so he ask his girl,

BOY: Will you marry me?

GIRL: No!

And the boy… lived happily ever after.

Radio Drama:
“Don't touch me, Berting. Let go of my neck. My hair's a mess because of our quarrel.”
“Tell me the truth, Lorena... because I'm slowly strangling you.”
“Stop it Berting. I see a knife in the table, I'll take it and stab you... here I am.. I got the knife.. I'm stabbing you! Tughs!”
“Ahh.. you stabbed me in the stomach.. I'm bloody and going to die... here I am ...I'm dead..ugh!”

In my dreams, we were playing in the forest...

Suddenly, you were taken by a gorilla... I cried, I shouted:

“IF YOU TAKE HIM, THEN TAKE ME WITH HIM!”

The gorilla answered, “Why? Are you my child?”

Teacher: We all come from Adam and Eve.
Ado: That's not true, ma'am! My father said we come from monkeys and apes..
Teacher: Ado, we are not talking about your family.

“I am a butterfly… a pretty small brown butterfly..

Battered and hated by all… disgusted and seen low”

-An Emotional Gay Cockroach